But I'm Not A Man...

Written by Alberta Parish

I'm not a man although the world tried to masculinize me, making me think I can do and be whatever a man is purported. But I'm not a man. I can't do everything a man does. I cannot lift everything a man can lift. I cannot work every job a man can work. I could bring life into the world but I choose not to. I could feed with my breast milk. I could sustain life on the planet but I'm not a man. I cannot do the job of every man and neither can a man do everything a woman can. 

This is my observation that the world wants to masculinize me but I'm not a man. Biologically, I can only handle the gender role I was assigned at conception in the womb. Sometimes, I wish I was born a boy. Maybe, my life would be easier if I were. But I'm not a man. I'm a woman with limited physical strength, extremely emotional, and I ain't pretending that I'm not. I have the basic fears. I wasn't raised to be a tough guy. I was raised to have empathy for others. Perhaps, naturally, I'm empathetic. 

My mom used to always tell me, "One day, you'll get old and you'll see." At age 47, I already see quite clearly, and I think I fear getting old. This ain't a country that truly cares about its elderly citizens. The older you are, the more likely you are to be refused the proper medical treatment. 

I'm not a man and don't treat me like one. Don't treat me like I don't have feelings or human emotion. What you see as my weakness is my strength. Don't talk to me like you know me because more than likely you don't. Can you read what is in my brain? Can you see my inner thoughts before I write them down on paper or post them? Can you repeat everything that happened to me or was done by me in my past? Can you see my future?

I can't be the man you want me to be because I'm not a man. Being a woman is the only thing I know how to be. Being a woman does not mean I have to bear children. It doesn't mean I'm obligated to be some man's wife or somebody's mother. Being a woman doesn't only involve anatomy. It is also the human emotion of being a woman and all that it entails. And if I'm not the man you were looking for me to be, if I don't meet your expectations, if I'm too much like a woman; then so be it. I can't be the man you want me to be. I don't have enough testosterone to be a man. What I know best is how to be a woman. 

My mother and her mother taught me that life for black women in America is hard. They had to raise children alone. Responsible for the bulk of the bills. Responsible for an entire community. But responsibility for an entire community does not take the form of being a man. I'm still a woman although men tried to make me a man.

The End